Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate?
Movies and TV shows have depicted the drama that comes from the emotional and complex job of dividing inherited items among family. Most families can tell stories about fights that have broken out over Mom’s good china or Grandma’s doll collection. Perhaps you have already experienced this madness and fighting, but hopefully you have been spared so far from this torture. I’ve experienced this twice in my family ~ one experience was a positive one of reflection and family bonding. The other however, was a nightmare. As a result of how personal property was divided in my in-laws family, family bonds were broken. A brother and sister haven’t spoken in five years.
As we Baby Boomers age, these issues will become increasingly prevalent and they deserve consideration in your family. In the past few years as a Professional Organizer, I have had increasing numbers of clients who call on me as an objective third party to help in these family transitions.
When a loved one passes away, it is not just the items in a Will that need to be dispersed, there is also the personal property as well. Estate Attorneys reveal that it typically isn’t how the monetary assets are divided that causes conflict in families ~ it is the dividing of personal belongings that cause the emotional conflicts. Childhood and family memories are tied to these physical items. Unless the family is proactive in planning for this inevitable transition, conflict, misunderstandings and hurt can result.
When I started working with families and seniors in transition, I found a wonderful book that helps families plan for this inevitable process. Written from a true story, the workbook “Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate” was researched and developed by the University of Minnesota Extension Service. Full of fill-in the blank forms and order of importance forms, the topics covered in this 83-page workbook are:
• The importance of recognizing the sensitivity of the issues
• Determining what you want to accomplish as a family
• Deciding what’s fair to all involved family
• Understanding that belongings have different meanings to different people
• Distribution options and consequences
• Identifying that the family relationships are more important than stuff
• The importance of making agreements to manage conflicts if they arise
Some non-titled property that this workbook may help you to divide are china, collectibles, jewelry and family heirlooms. The workbook guides you and your family through the steps of developing a plan for the easiest and most painless way to divide everything, with the goal of preserving family bonds and remaining on speaking terms afterwards. This book is a great asset for any family who will be, or already is, in the emotional position of dividing personal property of a loved one.
Originally posted 2009-01-09 14:18:27. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
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